I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
