You can't special order awesome
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
