hotel room ftw
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
