dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
