dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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