I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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