i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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