Small penises have feelings too.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
