I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
