Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm getting married
To pizza
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
