they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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