Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
