Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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