That's when you crack a 10am beer
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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