So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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