Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
