My room smells like vodka and shame
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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