if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
