I can text with my tongue
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
