I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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