mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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