FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
