I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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