i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
