3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
