did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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