after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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