I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
