I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
operation harelip BJ is a go
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize