i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
