Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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