I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm at about main and main street
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
They took my balls.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize