no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
