I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
