summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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