I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
