I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Randomize
