thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
