Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
