youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
someone owes me an orgasm
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
