escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
