The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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