I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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