She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
