I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
