Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
