I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
