He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
