why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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