how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
