it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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