You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
