Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize