he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
