I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
