You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
