I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
