My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
