She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
it was like his penis was on wheels.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
