Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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