You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
