nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
