just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
