i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
