I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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