Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Randomize
