The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
