Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
