I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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