I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize
