My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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