evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
