Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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